I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
