I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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