There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Ketchup is God's man juice
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
