so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
