but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
