Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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