week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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