you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She bit a glass in half.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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