Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
