remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
