I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
