So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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