Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
