Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
