I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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