he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
