Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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