I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
