Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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