I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Terrible idea I love it
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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