it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
