I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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