She tied me up with her honor cords...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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