Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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