i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
