Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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