I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
