I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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