I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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