I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
