this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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