great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
