C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
