so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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