ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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