If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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