Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
How does one acquire holy water?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
