would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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