i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
