birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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