i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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