I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
