She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
