will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
