well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
