My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
