Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
