i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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