I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
