if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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